Baby showers

I never want this to be a place where I sound like I am whining or complaining. Some things are just difficult when you are childless. One of those things is baby showers. Some of them, I can avoid. If an aquaintance at work has a shower, I don't have to go to those. And, I don't. I probably seem like a cold person to some of the women at work whom I have had a decent relationship and yet didn't come to their shower. Why is it so difficult for people to figure out? Let's see. How about a description of your typical baby shower.

Cute little baby feet or baby animals decorating table clothes and streamers. A lovely cake announcing "It's a Girl!" or, "It's a Boy!" All women, usually, giggling and talking about motherhood to the mother-to-be, claiming it is the most wonderful thing a woman will ever do. You eat the food and listen to them drone on and on about what their pregnancy was like, what being a mother of a newborn is like, and sharing non-stop advice about everything to the guest of honor. Then, there are often party games where the focus is the new baby and what he/she will be like. Best of all, watching a person open a myriad assortment of baby gifts...cute little miniature outfits, equipment and the like. An amazing celebration of the upcoming blessing.

For me, and all other women out there without children, it is paramount to a woman who is dying of cancer sitting through a party to celebrate the perfect health of her friend. There is no way for someone to understand how that feels unless you have been there.

I went to one on Saturday. This one couldn't be avoided. It was for a girl whom I have spoken to many times about my infertility. She was having major problems getting pregnant her second time, and she needed someone to confide in. We worked together, but we became friends. The shower was thrown by friends of mine. I just couldn't say no. Thank goodness, this one was a little easier to take. It was a pool party. There were men there, not just girls. So, the conversations were not focused on babies, motherhood and the like. We are all teachers, so much of the conversation was about school. It did not torture me. And, although I did have to sit through her reading cards with everyone's advice about being a parent, (I had to fill one out, too! Like I have anything to tell a Mom!!) and through watching her open her little baby clothes, tubs, and the like, it wasn't the hardest one that I have been through.

I have another invitation sitting next to the computer. I am looking at it right now. Another shower. I am 43. When will this stop? Knowing this Mom-t0-be, who wasn't sure if she could ever get pregnant, this shower will be one of those all girl, giggling and talking about motherhood kind of showers. I really care about this girl, so I have to go. I haven't answered the RSVP yet. I don't know what I am waiting for. A creative plan to get out of it?

Another way to describe this? It would be very similar to going to a party where everyone else was from a different country than you and they all speak another language. So, you sit in this party where you really can't understand a word they are saying. They laugh, hug, and enjoy each other while you sit there feeling completely left out, confused, and out of place. That is the infertile woman's experience at a baby shower.

Oh, and another of my favorite parts is going shopping for the gift. Oh yeah, walking around in a baby department or at a baby store is so much fun for me. It doesn't hurt at all that I will never have to go there for myself.

I usually break down when I leave the showers. I didn't cry Saturday. We'll see how I handle the next one. I wish there was a way to get people to understand. How selfish you must sound if you beg out of a baby shower because you "just can't handle it." I can't be that girl. It is MUCH harder than I can explain here, though. God has helped me heal from a lot of the pain that I had. But, the showers still remain a very difficult place for me. I'll never be that Mom-to-be. I'll never throw one for my daughter as she is ready to make me a Grandma. I go to them as a foreigner...an outsider. A person who sits on the sidelines and watches from an emotional distance. I can cheer on the team, but I will never get out there and play. And playing was all I ever dreamed of.

I just can't find a way to enjoy them, no matter how hard I try. Baby showers. What woman doesn't love a baby shower? The infertile woman, that's who.