Continually on the "outside"

People with children have no idea what a huge club they belong to. You just don't think of it. There is not a day that goes by that I am not reminded I don't belong to that club. It is the little things, and sometimes it is the big things. Example? Sitting at a party and the subject of whether or not tattoos are painful comes up. One of the ladies tells the other, "well you survived childbirth. You can handle anything." Oh yeah, thanks for reminding me that I don't know anything about that. I am one woman who will never know. Or, how about the day in church when he preached about honoring parents and at the end had all parents stand up so they can be prayed for? A wonderful guesture, and nothing wrong with it either. But, it is a reminder for every infertile couple sitting in that church that we do not belong. One of my friends got up and left at that point. She couldn't take it. Every time I am asked if I need child care for an event at church, sit in a party and listen to everyone talk about their children, or pretty much go anywhere, any day I am reminded I don't belong.

Facebook is one of the worst. I know friends who have decided they can't handle it and stopped going on there. You never know when one of your friends is going to pop up a video of their latest ultrasound. Most of my friends have pictures of their children right on their posts. So, every time they answer me or their news feed comes up...there is the picture of their happy little family. Complaints about late night feedings, running all over the place taking children to their activities, and cute little quotes from their mini-me's. These litter the landscape of the Facebook world. It is what these people's lives are about. What do I have to talk about? Me. The weather. I don't belong.

Don't get me wrong. I don't blame any of those people. They should be into their kids. They should have their lives center on what they can do for their children. That is what a good parent does. No one but an infertile couple can understand how much you are reminded on a daily basis that you cannot understand or relate to that life. And, it isn't going to go away. The day will come I will have to sit and listen to all my friends rave about their grandchildren, (the day is coming quite quickly as a matter of fact. My friends are in their 40's and 50's. Some of them are grandparents already.) I'll be left out of that club, too.

I remember in High School how hard it was to be left out of something when you wanted so bad to belong. This is a little different because I am not insecure or trying to belong. What choice do I have? I cannot join this club no matter how much everyone else would like me to be able to. I will never fit into this world of it's parents and children. I have heard it said behind the pulpit...God's plan for a family is a Dad, a Mom and their children. This society is based on the home. My home just isn't the kind the keeps society going. And, it is a home that will never fit the "norm". It is what it is. It is just weird to be so much on the "outside" of the life that 90% of the world lives.