There is so much happening

I haven't written in a while, because our life has been crazy! We have been resolved to believing and becoming content with a family of two. This blog is one way that I am learning to deal with that reality. Then, the bombshell gets dropped.

I was at a party with old friends of mine that I used to work with. One of them told me that she needed to talk to me. I could tell it was of an important nature. So, later in the party, we had some private time. She explained to me that one of her good friends who has 4 children of her own has taken in 2 children from a relative because they were removed from their home. It seems that the courts will dissolve the parental rights for these children at some point. When that happens, she wants to find a Christian home to adopt the children. Not only that, but the toddler has special needs and the woman is concerned that the family is able handle that.

I have learned in the last 13 years to take one day at a time. God is in control. I don't know if this has come up because it is the children that we were meant to be the parents of all along, or if it a chance for us to become more like Christ...to learn to lean on him more and grow closer to him. But, I don't believe in coincidence for Christ followers. This has been brought into our lives for a reason.

My husband is hurting. This situation has dredged up the fact that he has really been through a lot of hope and let down in the last year. He doesn't want to hope again. It could mean another devastation. I believe it is a step of faith. God brings you a possibility, you need to step through that door and trust he will take care of the rest.

But, it is a huge deal. A toddler with special needs who has been through abuse, and a baby. All at once. Possibly in the next few months. Are we ready for that? We expected a lot of time to prepare. We might not get that in this situation.

Facing life without a child. That is what I named this blog. I believed that was what we were doing. I don't know how to deal with the possibility God had other plans. How do you know what is God's will and what is your emotion? How do you decide to make a plan to move in any direction when all of it is so surreal you can barely wrap your head around it? Could this be what God had planned all along? Do I want to put any hopes on something that could hurt so much if it doesn't work out? Where do we go from here?